Annalisse Mayer mouths off: 2019

Sunday, November 17, 2019

My Quora posts that have lots of views

https://qr.ae/pN2Tw6 (which Indian universities equivalent to Harvard, Stanford, MIT & CalTech)

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

What isn’t being taught in schools

I just wrote a long answer on Quora about the deficiencies in schooling today. I think I’ve posted about this before, but it’s very important to me. Therefore I am cutting and pasting my response into this blog.

There are a lot of life skills that I feel should be added to the curriculum, but are not there.

Some of these have never been there. These include parenting — in particular how to approach different stages of development and a child. I feel many parents make critical mistakes which could be avoided with proper education. These would include shaking babies, which can easily kill them, and becoming enraged when very young children are not yet toilet trained, despite the fact that their development is within normal limits and they’re just too young.

Another thing that is often not taught is group ethics. We see many people getting swept into corruption or other illegal activities in offices and schools. I feel this is because they have not been adequately prepared with techniques for how to resist and recognize inappropriate pressure.

Also I feel physical education is too oriented around team sports. I feel there should be more emphasis on what individuals should be doing alone in their homes and neighborhoods to stay in shape for the rest of their lives. Realistically that doesn’t mean playing team sports. Also, people should not feel that they have to pay money to join a gym. There are many exercises that you can perform in your home or outside walking or jogging in your community. You shouldn’t have to join a gym. Yet people are not adequately trained so that they know what to do without joining a gym.

Another thing is basic personal finances. We spend a lot of time teaching young people math skills such as addition and subtraction, algebra and geometry. However in reality what they need to be able to do is plan a budget. They need to know how much they can afford for certain things and how they can most effectively use their money and save for the future. I so often hear stories about people running up huge debt on credit cards. They don’t seem to realize how the interest expenses are going to overwhelm their finances in the future. They should be learning about that in courses at school. They should be learning how to plan for reasonable expenditures, rather than impulse expenditures.

There are also topics that used to be taught in school, which have been removed these include home economics and shop. We all used to have to take those things. Those things are absolutely critical. There has been an extreme over emphasis on college preparatory courses recently in the United States. We are raising a generation of children who are helpless, who don’t know how to do anything to take care of themselves. We need to go back to more vocational courses as well, including: electronics, auto mechanics, carpentry, even handyman stuff…

The over emphasis on college prep is misplaced. We have a glut of college educated people in the United States. We have a shortage of skilled trades people. Moreover college prep courses really don’t teach you use for life skills. They’re just abstract knowledge. People need to know creative problem-solving much more than they need to know these various academic details.

In that regard, the elimination of art and music programs is appalling. Scientific research has shown that art and music programs improve neurological development, creativity, and intelligence. By eliminating these courses, we are destroying children’s brains. These are not optional courses. They are absolutely mandatory to maintain the intelligence and creativity of the population.

Testing that emphasizes academic achievement as a measure of the quality of students is completely misplaced. In the past, Americans have always been the best problem solvers and the most successful economically in the world. Crazy people have compared our children’s academic achievement to those of students in other countries, without seeing that this academic achievement is irrelevant in general to the population and to our economic and academic success.

my father was a professor of physics in as research oriented department. He also was on the graduate admissions committee for his university. He found that student who had been raised on farms in the United States were the most successful physicists. This was because as children they had learned to do things, useful things. They knew how to build things. They knew how to design new machines and repair old ones.

Moreover, obviously children who are raised on farms had lots of opportunities to play, unsupervised outdoors. Looking at nature also improves neurological development. Playing unsupervised outdoors allows for a great creativity.

Also, children who grow up on farms are physically stronger than other children. If you take a city then and put them out in a farm and ask them to do farm work, they won’t be able to do it. They won’t be strong enough or have enough endurance.

Basically, we are raising children to be helpless droids. All they know how to do is sit passively and watch screens. They may have great factual knowledge. They don’t know how to do anything practical in the world. And, physically, they are very weak.

****

Addendum: 1/10/20

I saw a question on Quora about teaching kids dating skills. This is another good idea, IMHO. There are a lot of dating disasters going on -- including date rape. Maybe some training would help people.

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Comments about warren

I received these comments about Elizabeth Warren on FB. I am not endorsing these comments. I have them here to think about them myself, as Warren is my second choice amongst the candidates after Tulsi.

she steals Sanders' lines but her record is telling: 09/19-Warren quietly turns to Hillary Clinton for help
08/19-Warren tells the establishment elites that she will not challenge their power
08/19-She holds $10,000 private fundraiser dinner with big donors after criticizing others for the same
05/19-Warren called on more funding to military budget, calling it a climate plan as cover
04/19-Warren took $175,000 from big donor after promising not to during the primaries
02/19-Warren flip-flopped on her stance regarding sanctions on Venezuela
02/19-She qualified pledge on not taking big donor money to the primaries only. General election is ok
~~02/19-Warren took heritage test that proves she is not Native American, as she has claimed~~
09/17-Warren voted for giving trump MORE than he requested for the defense budget
11/16-Warren is silent on the Dakota Access Pipeline protests, ~~though falsely claiming the same heritage~~
09/16-Warren signed right-wing lobbyist group AIPAC letter urging Obama to veto resolutions in Israel
01/15-She took money from hedge fund millionaire in exchange for praising his company, Better Markets
08/14-Warren defended Israel bombing schools and hospitals, and her vote to send Israel $225 million
09/12-She lied about helping asbestos victims, but she helped the company get immunity from future suits
01/96-Warren leaves republican party, saying they used to support "level playing field". When, Reagan years?
07/95-Warren helped Dow Chemical get out of liability to breast implant victims
05/95-She attempted to overturn ruling that said LTV Steel had to pay former employees what was owed
06/90-She helped corporation buy and liquidate company instead of saving it, leaving many out of work
08/80-She argued that utility companies are over-regulated, in spite of consumer advocate concerns.

I've crossed out some aspects that I know are false.

WAPO about Warren's DNA

re: asbestos
WAPO about Warren's litigation while a Harvard Professor

(I actually hadn't know she was a Harvard Professor.)

re: breast implants
WAPO on Warren and corporate bankruptcies

Friday, September 27, 2019

Things misunderstood about autism

This was an answer I gave on Quora

It's much easier for people to understand a disability like blindness or being in a wheelchair. There often isn't anything visible with an Aspie.

My Aspie kids didn't get the same kind of sympathy. They're bright. They learn easily what other kids struggle to learn, but they don't understand basic social situations that are easy for other kids to understand. Other kids and parents are jealous.

So often I'd get "He's a bright boy. He'll figure it out." Well now he's 27 and he still hasn't, despite genius IQ. IQ and EQ aren't the same. People don't get that.

What follows is a sort of a stream of consciousness of what it was like when the older one, who has the worse Aspergers, was little — things I was often thinking:

"No I can't get him to comply with instructions. No I'm not making him wear girl's clothes. That's his idea. No it's not safe to walk with him as a toddler without a harness. No he won't hold my hand.

"Their kids are docile. They don't understand the concept of a kid who is totally different.

"Parents run the other way when they see me coming, because they don't want to have to deal with me and my kids."

Friday, September 20, 2019

Positivity and cancer treatment

This was one of my more popular posts on Quora.

The question was whether the brain is your best weapon against cancer. This was my answer.

I'm a cancer survivor.

One of my biggest bugaboos is people who insist that a positive attitude can treat cancer. Blaming cancer victims for their cancer, because of their allegedly poor attitude, is cruel and superstitious.

My experience is that cancer causes depression, even if you don't consciously know you have it. I saw this in my father as well. Subliminally, you know something is wrong.

If the treatment works, you become less depressed. People think that means that the less depressed people are somehow curing their own cancer. That's mixing up cause and effect.

I've been watching a friend trying to cure his mother's cancer with positive attitude. It's not working. He's keeping her positive, and she's dying anyway.

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Difficulties faced by adults with autism

This was a response I wrote on Quora about difficulties faced by adults with autism

I am told that neurotypicals are constantly engaging in subliminal interchange of small movements of the muscles around the eyes. When they are with others, exchanging these movements, it’s a kind of telepathy. They know what others are feeling all the time. They feel part of the group.

People with Aspergers are missing that. We can’t do it. That’s a big part of our disability.

Even when I’m with others, I feel alone. I don’t feel connected. I want to feel connected the way neurotypicals do. I can’t.

Also, I have auditory sensitivities and other sensory integration problems. I can’t be in a crowded, noisy bar. I can’t be surrounded by large screen TVs with sports images. I can’t go in there. I have to leave. I miss out on social groups.

In group conversations, I cannot participate. I don’t know when it’s my turn. It’s like when I was a child and kids would jump rope “double Dutch,” in other words there were two ropes at once. I just didn’t feel like I could even attempt that.

Even in a one-on-one conversation, often the speaker changes subjects faster than I can respond to a single topic. Listening to such a speaker just feels like being electrocuted. I sit there, paralyzed, and can’t say anything.

I also often don’t know my feelings until several days later. I can’t explain in a timely fashion what is going on with me.

I’m not sure if this is Asperger’s or not, but I find that a lot of people start issuing me instructions. I say something and they give me instructions about how to do it. I just want them to listen and be my friend. I don’t want a bunch of random people issuing me instructions. I’m already busy enough without being sent hither and yon with new missions. This might be a problem for neurotypicals as well.

I want to have friends. I want to have emotional intimacy. It doesn’t work.

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Things I liked about a home birth

This was an answer to a question on Quora about the first night with my baby

My first baby was born at home, with a certified nurse midwife and obstetrical nurse in attendance.

I'm really glad I went this route. Delivery was easier in my home.

I was allowed to deliver in a standing position so that gravity helped me more. The midwife, unlike a doctor, was willing to sit on the floor behind me and catch the baby.

I was more comfortable at home. There weren't bright lights, IV, fetal monitors, or strangers coming in and out.

I also was allowed to do my pushing stage of labor in the shower, which was more comfortable and the warm water in the shower simulated my body to release oxytocin naturally. Artificial pitocin increases pain and complications in labor.

Despite the fact that science shows that episiotomies increase tearing, a lot of doctors still do them. The midwife didn't.

Also, the midwife supported me in my desire not to have pain relieving drugs, by reminding me when I was in transition that I could do this with the right attitude.

I really feel this midwife saved me from an unnecessary cesarean.

Also I was allowed to sleep in bed with the baby right away. This created a more intense bond.

Thursday, September 5, 2019

Nursing pointers

This was the question presented on Quora

What's something about nursing a newborn that they don't teach you while you're at the hospital?

This is the answer I wanted to memorialize, because I can never find my answers again on Quora

I had one baby at home and one at a birthing center. I don’t know what they tell you at hospitals. I did have a good lactation consultant from La Leche League who was super helpful. I nursed by first child until he was 22 months old and my second until he was 36 months old.

Some pointers:

Hold the baby like a guitar, tummy firmly planted against your tummy.

Try to be relaxed. If you’re having trouble letting down the milk, go into a warm shower, naked, with the baby. The warm water will help you let the milk down.

I found that I couldn’t speak to other people while nursing. It was too distracting. I needed to be in a kind of spaced out, meditative state.

Lactation is supply and demand. The more the baby nurses, the more milk you will have. If you start supplementing with formula, your supply with decrease. Just let the baby nurse more.

I agree with the comments below about nursing on demand, not according to a schedule.

Nursing releases endorphins. You may feel high. Some women have orgasm while nursing. Don’t feel ashamed of that.

Don’t feed the baby a bottle yourself. That will give the baby nipple confusion. The baby should only get a bottle when you’re not around. Nipple confusion can result in biting, inter alia, and poor nursing skills on the part of the baby.

The baby has a growth spurt around 3 months and then again around 6 months. The baby will have to nurse more frequently at this time, to get your milk supply to increase. This doesn't mean you should switch to formula.

Co-sleeping is really helpful. I recommend the book “Nighttime Parenting” by Dr. Sears. A sober mom will *not* roll over on her baby. That’s only moms who are drunk or on drugs.

If you’re going to be expressing milk at work, be sure to get a good pump with good seal on your breasts and good suction. You can rent a hospital grade pump. Be assertive about asking for work accommodations for pumping.

Express and extra 2 oz every morning and freeze, it so you have backup. Be sure and express the same amount every day, to avoid infection. I found pint freezer bags to be the best thing for storing expressed milk in the freezer.

Be sure, when you express milk, that the caregiver at home feeds the baby the same amount you expressed.

Don’t wash your nipple area with soap, to avoid chapping, and to avoid feeding the baby chemicals. Just rinse there

Dripping is good, because it tells your breasts that they’re making too much milk and need to reduce.

Don’t try to stop the dripping.

Bras tend to stop the dripping. I found that they increased my risk of infection. I’ve had an aversion to bras ever since. There’s been research in France that bras actually undermine your pectoral muscles and increase sagging, contrary to popular belief.

Don’t try to out of the house within the first six weeks of childbirth, if you can avoid it. That’s how I got infections, too, over exerting myself.

Is autism a personality trait?

This was the question presented on Quora

Can some autistic Spectrum disorder equally be described as psychological traits/preferences which don’t match what other people prefer. For example, an extreme ISTP or an extreme inclination to the Conscientiousness trait?

My answer

I don’t think so.

The psychiatrist who diagnosed my son told me that we are supposed to be born with an invisible antenna that allows us to perceive and interpret social signals, e.g. facial expressions (especially movement of the small muscles around the eyes), tones of voice, and gestures, and give those signals meaning. This mechanism is an instinct, not learned. The NT child begins perceiving these non-verbal signals from birth, and already starts to have a fairly complex idea of the way people work.

The autistic child is lacking this antenna, and therefore is not getting the non-verbal signals, which are 90% of speech. The psychiatrist told us that, at 4 years old, our son still had an infantile view of people, i.e. that people existed only to serve him, e.g. “mom brings me milk.” He was not able to conceptualize that other people had feelings or that his actions could affect these feelings.

By contrast the NT child would start noticing Mom smiling back when he smiles within a few months of birth, ditto with Mom looking concerned when he cries.

NT children draw their security from referencing their care giver’s face. If the caregiver’s face is calm, they feel calm. If the caregiver’s face is upset, they get upset — and so forth.

The autistic child cannot do this. Therefore the autistic child draws security and comfort from rigid routines and systems. This becomes a preference, because of the disability. It’s not a preference the way an NT would develop a preference.

Also, autistic people are not true natural introverts. They may seem like introverts because they don’t make eye contact, and tend to give up on social interactions, because people react poorly to them. However, they are not true introverts.

My son was quite extroverted as a child. This made him get in trouble much more than an introverted autistic child would, because his behavior was more noticeably socially inappropriate.

My son has become something of a homebody, now, because persistent negative reactions to him have given him social anxiety, but he is not a natural introvert

See also

http://annalisse-mayer.blogspot.com/2019/08/on-quora-i-keep-getting-asked-about.html

Friday, August 30, 2019

Is it necessary to visit friends in the hospital

This is a copy of an answer that I posted on Quora

First, find out if this person wishes to be visited. Many patients in hospitals are not feeling well enough to entertain visitors. They might not want you to come at all.

However, I certainly had a story in my past that made me feel that hospital visits can be very important.

There was a guy in my Quaker Meeting who caught AIDS, back in the early 1980’s. He was gay, single, overweight, ugly, in his 50’s and alone in the world: no immediate family, few friends.

The hospital decided that he was a good person to neglect, because no one would notice.

One of my fellow congregants went to visit him and discovered him lying in his own feces.

We all started visiting him — and his care improved dramatically. One of the members of the Quaker Meeting claimed to be his brother (of course he wasn’t a biological brother, just a spiritual brother, but he didn’t tell the hospital that — in a possible violation of our truth testimony) But once the hospital thought that the guy had a brother, that really helped as well, plus they had someone who could talk to them about care decisions, because the sick guy was too sick to talk much.

Anyway, so, yes, sometimes it *is* important to visit, but check out the situation first.

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-really-necessary-to-visit-someone-who-is-admitted-in-a-hospital/answer/Annalisse-Mayer?share=b5f85e96

How did you know your baby had autism?

This is a copy of an answer I posted on Quora

I didn't know, but looking back there were clear symptoms from birth

Arching away from me when he cried
Crying to be put down
Wanting to be carried facing outwards.
Being stiff and not being able to mold to my body until age seven

Later

1. When learning to talk, making up his own words and demanding that we learn them. He did later learn English, but when he got into therapy, the therapist pointed out that he was only asking questions, never making declarative statements. If you asked him a question, he would screech.

2. Not being able to understand the word " No."

3. Extreme oppositionality

4. Believing he was responsible for disciplining parents be refusing to comply if we got angry, which he thought was inappropriate.

5. Extreme pickyness with respect to rituals, like which plate to use or how to stick the knife into the margarine

6. Melt downs if furniture was rearranged

7. The first words he learned, before he decided to make up his own language, were for geometrical shapes "baw" and "' bots." (Ball and box) rather than mommy or daddy

8. Extreme sensitivity to sensory input, e.g. Sound (had to wear hearing protectors from the hardware store to go to the circus or to sit in a church where they played the organ) or texture (throwing up at the sight of wet or slimy foods)

9. Extreme, hostile reactions to life: as a toddler asking me to kill people; trying to trip someone in a restaurant; total, rageful refusal to consider toilet training, until I finally had to hold him screaming and struggling on the little potty at age 3 three (though once he got over his initial resistance, he was very enthusiastic about remaining dry, quite quickly, unlike our other child who had bed wetting); later violent threats in school about wanting to electrocute people, put them through a meat grinder, or blow them up. When he learned to crawl, I could no longer allow him in my bed, because he would try to wake me up, by crawling up to my head and bashing my teeth with his skull, which was painful.

10. starting before age two: obsessive interests. He could stand for hours staring at a construction site, because he loved earth moving equipment.

11. The thing that finally got us to a child psychiatrist was his being the only child to refuse to comply with the nursery school concert at age 4. He wasn't even looking at the teacher and he just seemed so miserable. After extensive therapy, at age 7, he could be in a concert, but couldn't sway back and forth with the other students

12 . What got him into special ed was physically attacking teachers. I personally was not in favor of inclusion. He was being bullied in regular school, and was *much* happier in a 12–1–1 program. Fortunately, our county had gifted special ed. It was the first time he actually enjoyed school.

I'm very happy to report that through extensive intervention, the threats of violence disappeared. He is now (at 28) a very moral person.

He's still paralyzed with anxiety and agoraphobia, tho. He can't drive, because of anxiety.

His extreme pickyness with respect to food is vanishing, though he still throws up easily from some foods.

He still has problems cuddling and prefers light hugs to bear hugs.

Some of his bizarre preferences with respect to clothing, especially preferring female colors and clothing, turned out to mean that he/she is trans.

He does have a genius level IQ and got a bachelors in engineering from a prominent engineering school. Getting a job has been much harder, because of his extreme anxiety and pickyness about job requirements.

#autism #autistic #baby #babycare #symptoms #psychiatry #infant #infantcare #childdevelopment

Monday, August 19, 2019

Why self-diagnose with autism -- answer from Quora

This was a question addressed to me on Quora

Why do people self-diagnose themselves with autism? I’m autistic, and my entire life has revolved around hiding it. People do treat me differently based on whether they know. Whether or not you have it: why would you want to draw attention to it?

This was the answer given on April 2

I self-diagnosed, then went to a psychiatrist to confirm.

If you have it, you may think you can hide it, but that’s actually not true.

Neurotypical people immediately notice that something is wrong. However, they may simply think that you’re insensitive or narcissistic or have some other undesirable personality trait, when really you have a disability. If they understand the disability, they can accommodate it. If they don’t understand it, they can’t.

This is particularly important in the workplace in the USA, where employers over a certain size are legally required to make reasonable accommodations for people with disabilities. They are only required to do this if they are notified of the disability and requested accommodation. Generally, they would need a doctor’s note, if the disability is invisible.

I attended a seminar at my local community college about people with disabilities transitioning from high school to college. A salient point of that seminar was that people with disabilities are most likely to succeed in college if they are good at self-advocacy — particularly explaining what accommodations they need and why they need them. Again, if your disability is invisible, and if you try to keep it “secret” you can’t self-advocate (tho I assure you that neurotypicals around you have definitely noticed something atypical about you — and have probably drawn negative conclusions about it) .

This business about people drawing negative conclusions when they notice something different about you has been studied in the psychological research — and is a particular factor in the development of racism. The antidote is to discuss differences, rather than hiding them and pretending that they don’t exist.

#autism #psychiatry #autistic

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Meme about racism from FB

This is from a Republican. George W. Bush’s chief speechwriter Michael Gerson, regarding people who support President Trump.

"I had fully intended to ignore President Trump’s latest round of racially charged taunts against an African American elected official, and an African American activist, and an African American journalist and a whole city with a lot of African Americans in it. I had every intention of walking past Trump’s latest outrages and writing about the self-destructive squabbling of the Democratic presidential field, which has chosen to shame former vice president Joe Biden for the sin of being an electable, moderate liberal.

But I made the mistake of pulling James Cone’s 'The Cross and the Lynching Tree' off my shelf — a book designed to shatter convenient complacency.

Cone recounts the case of a white mob in Valdosta, Ga., in 1918 that lynched an innocent man named Haynes Turner. Turner’s enraged wife, Mary, promised justice for the killers. The sheriff responded by arresting her and then turning her over to the mob, which included women and children. According to one source, Mary was 'stripped, hung upside down by the ankles, soaked with gasoline, and roasted to death. In the midst of this torment, a white man opened her swollen belly with a hunting knife and her infant fell to the ground and was stomped to death.'

God help us.

It is hard to write the words.

This evil — the evil of white supremacy, resulting in dehumanization, inhumanity and murder — is the worst stain, the greatest crime, of U.S. history. It is the thing that nearly broke the nation. It is the thing that proved generations of Christians to be vicious hypocrites. It is the thing that turned normal people into moral monsters, capable of burning a grieving widow to death and killing her child.

When the president of the United States plays with that fire or takes that beast out for a walk, it is not just another political event, not just a normal day in campaign 2020. It is a cause for shame. It is the violation of martyrs’ graves. It is obscene graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial. It is, in the eyes of history, the betrayal — the re-betrayal — of Haynes and Mary Turner and their child. And all of this is being done by an ignorant and arrogant narcissist reviving racist tropes for political gain, indifferent to the wreckage he is leaving, the wounds he is ripping open.

Like, I suspect, many others, I am finding it hard to look at resurgent racism as just one in a series of presidential offenses or another in a series of Republican errors. Racism is not just another wrong. The Antietam battlefield is not just another plot of ground. The Edmund Pettus Bridge is not just another bridge. The balcony outside Room 306 at the Lorraine Motel is not just another balcony. As U.S. history hallows some causes, it magnifies some crimes.

What does all this mean politically? It means that Trump’s divisiveness is getting worse, not better. He makes racist comments, appeals to racist sentiments and inflames racist passions. The rationalization that he is not, deep down in his heart, really a racist is meaningless. Trump’s continued offenses mean that a large portion of his political base is energized by racist tropes and the language of white grievance. And it means — whatever their intent — that those who play down, or excuse, or try to walk past these offenses are enablers.

Some political choices are not just stupid or crude.

They represent the return of our country’s cruelest, most dangerous passion. Such racism indicts Trump. Treating racism as a typical or minor matter indicts us." — Michael Gerson

Please cut & paste!

Monday, August 12, 2019

Traits of autism

On Quora, I keep getting asked about traits of autism. I want to start accumulating answers here, so I don't have to keep answering the same question over and over

Poor prosody is usually the thing I notice first. This is the melody of speech. The person speaks in a monotone, often nasal, sometimes too high (Of course, this is for those who have speech. Many autistic people do not)
Speaking at great length, so that you can't get a word in edgewise, typically in an extremely boring topic, is another clue — obsession with obscure trivia. A good conversation is like a volleyball game. The ball goes back and forth. Alternatively, the person may never speak at all
Avoiding eye contact is another. The person may not appreciate that it's rude to be looking at the computer or cell phone during a conversation.
Hyper or hypo sensitivities to sensory stimuli will be frequent, especially sensitivity to loud noises or certain food tastes. Many will be touch adverse and not like physical affection — or alternatively will be overly huggy and not notice that the person isn't enjoying being crushed.
Rigidity in the face of changes in routine or plans is another typical symptom.
The person will typically be mystified as to why no one likes them
repetitive movements, or extreme attachment to ritual.
extreme anxiety in the face of transitions or new situations.