Is it necessary to visit friends in the hospital

This is a copy of an answer that I posted on Quora

First, find out if this person wishes to be visited. Many patients in hospitals are not feeling well enough to entertain visitors. They might not want you to come at all.

However, I certainly had a story in my past that made me feel that hospital visits can be very important.

There was a guy in my Quaker Meeting who caught AIDS, back in the early 1980’s. He was gay, single, overweight, ugly, in his 50’s and alone in the world: no immediate family, few friends.

The hospital decided that he was a good person to neglect, because no one would notice.

One of my fellow congregants went to visit him and discovered him lying in his own feces.

We all started visiting him — and his care improved dramatically. One of the members of the Quaker Meeting claimed to be his brother (of course he wasn’t a biological brother, just a spiritual brother, but he didn’t tell the hospital that — in a possible violation of our truth testimony) But once the hospital thought that the guy had a brother, that really helped as well, plus they had someone who could talk to them about care decisions, because the sick guy was too sick to talk much.

Anyway, so, yes, sometimes it *is* important to visit, but check out the situation first.


https://www.quora.com/Is-it-really-necessary-to-visit-someone-who-is-admitted-in-a-hospital/answer/Annalisse-Mayer?share=b5f85e96

How did you know your baby had autism?

This is a copy of an answer I posted on Quora

I didn't know, but looking back there were clear symptoms from birth

1. Arching away from me when he cried
2. Crying to be put down
3. Wanting to be carried facing outwards.
4. Being stiff and not being able to mold to my body until age seven

Later

1. When learning to talk, making up his own words and demanding that we learn them. He did later learn English, but when he got into therapy, the therapist pointed out that he was only asking questions, never making declarative statements. If you asked him a question, he would screech.

2. Not being able to understand the word " No."

3. Extreme oppositionality

4. Believing he was responsible for disciplining parents be refusing to comply if we got angry, which he thought was inappropriate.

5. Extreme pickyness with respect to rituals, like which plate to use or how to stick the knife into the margarine

6. Melt downs if furniture was rearranged

7. The first words he learned, before he decided to make up his own language, were for geometrical shapes "baw" and "' bots." (Ball and box) rather than mommy or daddy

8. Extreme sensitivity to sensory input, e.g. Sound (had to wear hearing protectors from the hardware store to go to the circus or to sit in a church where they played the organ) or texture (throwing up at the sight of wet or slimy foods)

9. Extreme, hostile reactions to life: as a toddler asking me to kill people; trying to trip someone in a restaurant; total, rageful refusal to consider toilet training, until I finally had to hold him screaming and struggling on the little potty at age 3 three (though once he got over his initial resistance, he was very enthusiastic about remaining dry, quite quickly, unlike our other child who had bed wetting); later violent threats in school about wanting to electrocute people, put them through a meat grinder, or blow them up. When he learned to crawl, I could no longer allow him in my bed, because he would try to wake me up, by crawling up to my head and bashing my teeth with his skull, which was painful.

10. starting before age two: obsessive interests. He could stand for hours staring at a construction site, because he loved earth moving equipment.

11. The thing that finally got us to a child psychiatrist was his being the only child to refuse to comply with the nursery school concert at age 4. He wasn't even looking at the teacher and he just seemed so miserable. After extensive therapy, at age 7, he could be in a concert, but couldn't sway back and forth with the other students

12 . What got him into special ed was physically attacking teachers. I personally was not in favor of inclusion. He was being bullied in regular school, and was *much* happier in a 12–1–1 program. Fortunately, our county had gifted special ed. It was the first time he actually enjoyed school.

I'm very happy to report that through extensive intervention, the threats of violence disappeared. He is now (at 28) a very moral person.

He's still paralyzed with anxiety and agoraphobia, tho. He can't drive, because of anxiety.

His extreme pickyness with respect to food is vanishing, though he still throws up easily from some foods.

He still has problems cuddling and prefers light hugs to bear hugs.

Some of his bizarre preferences with respect to clothing, especially preferring female colors and clothing, turned out to mean that he/she is trans.

He does have a genius level IQ and got a bachelors in engineering from a prominent engineering school. Getting a job has been much harder, because of his extreme anxiety and pickyness about job requirements.

 #autism #autistic #baby #babycare #symptoms #psychiatry #infant #infantcare #childdevelopment

Why self-diagnose with autism -- answer from Quora

This was a question addressed to me on Quora

Why do people self-diagnose themselves with autism? I’m autistic, and my entire life has revolved around hiding it. People do treat me differently based on whether they know. Whether or not you have it: why would you want to draw attention to it?

This was the answer given on April 2

I self-diagnosed, then went to a psychiatrist to confirm.

If you have it, you may think you can hide it, but that’s actually not true.

Neurotypical people immediately notice that something is wrong. However, they may simply think that you’re insensitive or narcissistic or have some other undesirable personality trait, when really you have a disability. If they understand the disability, they can accommodate it. If they don’t understand it, they can’t.

This is particularly important in the workplace in the USA, where employers over a certain size are legally required to make reasonable accommodations for people with disabilities. They are only required to do this if they are notified of the disability and requested accommodation. Generally, they would need a doctor’s note, if the disability is invisible.

I attended a seminar at my local community college about people with disabilities transitioning from high school to college. A salient point of that seminar was that people with disabilities are most likely to succeed in college if they are good at self-advocacy — particularly explaining what accommodations they need and why they need them. Again, if your disability is invisible, and if you try to keep it “secret” you can’t self-advocate (tho I assure you that neurotypicals around you have definitely noticed something atypical about you — and have probably drawn negative conclusions about it) .

This business about people drawing negative conclusions when they notice something different about you has been studied in the psychological research — and is a particular factor in the development of racism. The antidote is to discuss differences, rather than hiding them and pretending that they don’t exist.

#autism #psychiatry #autistic 

Meme about racism from FB

This is from a Republican. George W. Bush’s chief speechwriter Michael Gerson, regarding people who support President Trump.

"I had fully intended to ignore President Trump’s latest round of racially charged taunts against an African American elected official, and an African American activist, and an African American journalist and a whole city with a lot of African Americans in it. I had every intention of walking past Trump’s latest outrages and writing about the self-destructive squabbling of the Democratic presidential field, which has chosen to shame former vice president Joe Biden for the sin of being an electable, moderate liberal.

But I made the mistake of pulling James Cone’s 'The Cross and the Lynching Tree' off my shelf — a book designed to shatter convenient complacency.

Cone recounts the case of a white mob in Valdosta, Ga., in 1918 that lynched an innocent man named Haynes Turner. Turner’s enraged wife, Mary, promised justice for the killers. The sheriff responded by arresting her and then turning her over to the mob, which included women and children. According to one source, Mary was 'stripped, hung upside down by the ankles, soaked with gasoline, and roasted to death. In the midst of this torment, a white man opened her swollen belly with a hunting knife and her infant fell to the ground and was stomped to death.'

God help us.

It is hard to write the words.

This evil — the evil of white supremacy, resulting in dehumanization, inhumanity and murder — is the worst stain, the greatest crime, of U.S. history. It is the thing that nearly broke the nation. It is the thing that proved generations of Christians to be vicious hypocrites. It is the thing that turned normal people into moral monsters, capable of burning a grieving widow to death and killing her child.

When the president of the United States plays with that fire or takes that beast out for a walk, it is not just another political event, not just a normal day in campaign 2020. It is a cause for shame. It is the violation of martyrs’ graves. It is obscene graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial. It is, in the eyes of history, the betrayal — the re-betrayal — of Haynes and Mary Turner and their child. And all of this is being done by an ignorant and arrogant narcissist reviving racist tropes for political gain, indifferent to the wreckage he is leaving, the wounds he is ripping open.

Like, I suspect, many others, I am finding it hard to look at resurgent racism as just one in a series of presidential offenses or another in a series of Republican errors. Racism is not just another wrong. The Antietam battlefield is not just another plot of ground. The Edmund Pettus Bridge is not just another bridge. The balcony outside Room 306 at the Lorraine Motel is not just another balcony. As U.S. history hallows some causes, it magnifies some crimes.

What does all this mean politically? It means that Trump’s divisiveness is getting worse, not better. He makes racist comments, appeals to racist sentiments and inflames racist passions. The rationalization that he is not, deep down in his heart, really a racist is meaningless. Trump’s continued offenses mean that a large portion of his political base is energized by racist tropes and the language of white grievance. And it means — whatever their intent — that those who play down, or excuse, or try to walk past these offenses are enablers.

Some political choices are not just stupid or crude.

They represent the return of our country’s cruelest, most dangerous passion. Such racism indicts Trump. Treating racism as a typical or minor matter indicts us." — Michael Gerson

Please cut & paste!

Traits of autism

On Quora, I keep getting asked about traits of autism. I want to start accumulating answers here, so I don't have to keep answering the same question  over and over

• Poor prosody is usually the thing I notice first. This is the melody of speech. The person speaks in a monotone, often nasal, sometimes too high (Of course, this is for those who have speech.  Many autistic people do not)
• Speaking at great length, so that you can't get a word in edgewise, typically in an extremely boring topic, is another clue — obsession with obscure trivia. A good conversation is like a volleyball game. The ball goes back and forth. Alternatively, the person may never speak at all
• Avoiding eye contact is another. The person may not appreciate that it's rude to be looking at the computer or cell phone during a conversation.
• Hyper or hypo sensitivities to sensory stimuli will be frequent, especially sensitivity to loud noises or certain food tastes. Many will be touch adverse and not like physical affection — or alternatively will be overly huggy and not notice that the person isn't enjoying being crushed.
• Rigidity in the face of changes in routine or plans is another typical symptom.
• The person will typically be mystified as to why no one likes them
• repetitive movements, or extreme attachment to ritual.  
• extreme anxiety in the face of transitions or new situations.

****

My experiences of autism

I am told that neurotypicals are constantly engaging in subliminal interchange of small movements of the muscles around the eyes. When they are with others, exchanging these movements, it’s a kind of telepathy. They know what others are feeling all the time. They feel part of the group.

People with Aspergers are missing that. We can’t do it. That’s a big part of our disability.

Even when I’m with others, I feel alone. I don’t feel connected. I want to feel connected the way neurotypicals do. I can’t.

Also, I have auditory sensitivities and other sensory integration problems. I can’t be in a crowded, noisy bar. I can’t be surrounded by large screen TVs with sports images. I can’t go in there. I have to leave. I miss out on social groups.

In group conversations, I cannot participate. I don’t know when it’s my turn. It’s like when I was a child and kids would jump rope “double Dutch,” in other words there were two ropes at once. I just didn’t feel like I could even attempt that.

Even in a one-on-one conversation, often the speaker changes subjects faster than I can respond to a single topic. Listening to such a speaker just feels like being electrocuted. I sit there, paralyzed, and can’t say anything.

I also often don’t know my feelings until several days later. I can’t explain in a timely fashion what is going on with me.

I’m not sure if this is Asperger’s or not, but I find that a lot of people start issuing me instructions. I say something and they give me instructions about how to do it. I just want them to listen and be my friend. I don’t want a bunch of random people issuing me instructions. I’m already busy enough without being sent hither and yon with new missions. This might be a problem for neurotypicals as well.

I want to have friends. I want to have emotional intimacy. It doesn’t work.

See Also

https://qr.ae/TWrhu5


Plus 
http://annalisse-mayer.blogspot.com/2019/02/features-of-autism.html

*****

Very early signs of autism

My elder son definitely showed signs of autism from birth, but I failed to appreciate their significance. These were the signs that I see in retrospect

• arched away from us when crying (neurotypicals will cuddle up)
• punched and kicked us when lying in bed next to us, rather than cuddling up
• crying to be put down (neurotypicals will cry to be picked up)
• by six weeks preferring to be carried facing outwards
• later, when learning to speak, invented his own language and expected us to learn it
• again, later, hysteria over changes of routine, including guests in the house

see https://www.quora.com/What-age-do-signs-of-autism-begin-to-show/answer/Annalisse-Mayer