Thursday, June 7, 2018

About finding your HP in program

A sponsee asked me some questions about finding HP in program. These were some answers I gave.

I personally find HP more easily in nature, particularly in places where there is a nice view.  Though there is this one spot in my kitchen, between my sink and my refrigerator, where I was struck abstinent, that seems to be fruitful.  I also find that going into places, like houses of worship or retreat centers, where lots of people have prayed, but when they are empty, is often good.  I feel like places where lots of people have prayed retain a lot of spiritual energy. Personally quiet appeals to me.  Some people prefer to be there during a service when there is music and verbal ministry.

I saw one exercise that might be helpful.  Take a piece of paper.  Make a vertical table with one box for each decade of your life.  Write in each box the best things that happened to you during each decade -- ignoring the bad things.  Then, after you've filled out all the boxes, imagine all the things you've written down rising out of the paper and swirling together.  Try to imagine that swirling thing as HP.

It takes some practice to sense the intuitions that program asks us to look for.  In most cases, I think this is because I have a natural tendency to suppress myself and feel ashamed of my thoughts and feelings.  I feel that this stems partly from dysfunction in my family of origin and partly from my mild autism spectrum disorder.

Perfectionism here is the enemy, though.  Expecting a perfect relationship with HP is one of those perfectionism things. Lingering on step 2 -- or jumping to step 11 without doing the earlier steps -- is not going to work.

There's a saying I learned in Al-anon "anything that's worth doing is worth doing poorly."

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