moving technical notes from post about cindy

 

The only problem with this image is that the angels look too serious, but when I put in the word "smiling" I got angels that looked like children, which I didn't like so much, either.  Bing image creator can be very frustrating.

I did this with Gimp, which was also frustrating.  I could not put the whole text into a text box, so I did the following;

1) found a free celtic font online

2) imported the font into my mac fontbook app

3) created a word document with the prayer in that font with a cream color background

4) exported the text into pdf

5) converted the pdf text into the best quality jpg with 600 dots per inche

6) imported the jpg image into a separate Gimp file (because it didn't work inside the other file.  I kept getting blurry letters)

7) added an alpha channel to the layer

8) deleted all pixels that weren't orange

9) exported a png file with transparency

10) pasted the png file into the file with the picture

11) shrank the text

12) created a cream color background layer behind the letters

13) cut out the gibberish in the picture

14) put the picture in the top layer

Memorial prayer for my cousin, Cindy, who passed last night

3/26/25

She was very different from me politically and religiously, but I liked her anyway

Cindy

May you get the salvation that you worked so hard for in life

Believing things I do not believe

But believing them sincerely

I hope you get what you worked for

May you find your lost family members in the afterlife

May we all find each other there

Even though I do not believe it is so

I can still pray it is so.

May choruses of smiling angels serenade you to your eternal home

May you lie upon velvet cushions with shining, gold braids

May you eat the sweetest of fruits

May you sprout beautiful, huge, iridescent wings and fly through gentle, puffy clouds.

May you learn to play ethereal music on the harp

May handsome centaurs bow to you and tell you words of great wisdom

May adorable little birds sing you sweet songs

And bring you garlands of flowers in their beaks

May those flowers never fade, but instead stay fresh forever all about you

——————

Addendum: May 15, 2025

I don’t know why I keep thinking about Cindy . I didn’t know her very well. I only saw her occasionally at family events – and sometimes on Facebook. She was the wife of my blood cousin. They were the cousins I was most in conflict with. The husband teased me as a child. they were fairly far away. Their religion and politics were different from mine. He unfriended me on Facebook, but she didn't.

I once asked her to pray for my niece, when my niece was in the hospital, because I knew she was in a very large church and maybe could get lots of people to pray for my niece. this was not supposed to be public knowledge, that my niece was in the hospital. My brother‘s family doesn’t believe in God. I’m not sure if prayer really makes a difference outside of our heads. I think it’s very good for behavior modification as in 12 step programs. So I thought it was worth a chance to have a lot of people praying for my niece.

Yesterday, I was imagining myself speaking at her funeral. There was a funeral near her home shortly after her death. There will be a second one in our vacation community. The speech went as follows:

I first met Cindy, as I recall, at her wedding to my cousin – a pretty, young, happy bride. I didn’t see her very often… A few family events… Posts on Facebook. 

I remember the wedding, in a church. My cousin, who is an evangelical Christian, had his arms raised over his head, praising God, which is something other people in our family generally didn’t do. I was sitting in the audience, in pews, with other members of our family.  Maybe that was the wedding where we had to be in the back, because my autistic son couldn't tolerate organ music -- tho we put hearing protectors on him that time, I think, so he was able to stay.

It never occurred to me that someday a lifetime would’ve passed, that she would’ve had children, grandchildren – possibly great-grandchildren? And, I think, a career – possibly in education?  And, then, seemingly in a flash, I would be sitting in another church, in pews with my family, and it would be her funeral. 

 

The wedding doesn’t seem so very long ago. It doesn’t seem so very long ago that she was that young, happy, pretty bride — sort of perky, with a lot of spirit. 

—————————

This wasn’t part of the fantasy speech, but I’m thinking it:

Her mother didn’t look very well at the time. Cindy hadn’t been looking well recently. I never mentioned it. I remember her face changed. My father’s face changed when he had cancer. We didn’t realize until later that the changing in his face reflected the cancer inside his body, before it was diagnosed. It never occurred to me that the change in Cindy‘s face meant that she might have undiagnosed cancer. 

She wasn’t that old. I think she may have been over seventy, but just barely. Perhaps I should’ve warned her.

Is that it?  Do I feel guilty?  Is that why I keep thinking about her?

I asked Bing image creator to create images of angels with harps and a rainbow.

I tried putting the whole poem into Bing image creator.  Then I got  images with good looking gibberish similar to my prayer.  So I took one of those images, deleted the gibberish, and put in my prayer.

Use of mnemonic acronyms in Overeaters Anonymous

  

The image shows a mnemonic acronym that I learned from other fellows in the Overeaters Anonymous [OA] program. The text is:

• B— binge
• I —  I’m
• N — not
• G —good 
• E —enough 

The idea is that negative self talk is a character defect that can result in overeating. 

There are several problems with this image:

1. Mnemonic acronyms can’t be readily translated into other languages 
2. OA World Service [aka WSO] doesn’t want us to use acronyms in general.
3. Images don’t translate automatically on the VR website, so we prefer text.

Still, I find that this sort of acronym is very useful for people.

I have been in text meetings online, where they used acronyms, such as COE for compulsive overeater. That other type of acronym is very useful for saving time, but confusing for newcomers. In fact, that meeting had a whole glossary of acronyms that attenders were supposed to learn in order to attend the meeting. I can understand why World Service felt that these acronyms were confusing for people, and therefore should be avoided.

Nevertheless, I find that mnemonic acronyms, as in the graphic above, can be very useful. My first sponsor loved acronyms and slogans. Many slogans also have puns or wordplay in them that don’t translate well.

Even though World Service doesn’t like acronyms, I feel that it would be nice to make some use of mnemonic acronyms. It might be fun to challenge the international community to see if they could come up with something similar in their own language.

Gloomy thoughts about Trump destroying our institutions

This started out as a brief dream as I was falling asleep

Closing down a building

It’s been regularly closed every day for years, at least on weekdays

The closing is no different this time

Except it won’t be opened again

The locks that are now freshly oiled, will  corrode and may not be able to be opened again

The shades over the windows will deteriorate in the sun

The roof, freshly patched, will develop holes

The papers out on the desks, now all current, will gradually become antiques

The people leaving today do not know for sure that this will happen

they hope they will return in a few days

but they do not know

A man touches a doorknob as he leaves

Thinking he will never touch it again

It’s a working doorknob now

But likely the next time someone comes through

it will be too old to use

or the door may have fallen off its hinges

The corridors, up until now filled with busy people, working

Will now be empty

There may be mice and spiders, at least for a while

There is still food in some of the desks

And in the  refrigerators on each floor

People don’t have time to get it out

The people hope they will be back in a few days to eat it

But they won’t  and the mice will eat what is left

A feral cat lurks in the shadows behind the building

He will get to eat some of the mice

He won’t be there long, though.  

He’s been raiding the garbage and there won’t be fresh garbage

The displaced people go back to homes that they can no longer afford to pay rent on

The homes will be abandoned too 

As the city turns into a ghost town

There is no future

@RobertKennedyJr & 12 step programs

I read something hopeful, recently, in the NY Times.  RFK, Jr, appointee to be secretary of Health and Human Services, is a 12 stepper.  I am a 12 stepper.

One thing that has been happening recently is Zoom bombing of 12 step meetings.  This is where intruders come in, make loud noises, insult our speakers, and show porn.  They often impersonate our members and try to get host codes or personal information. Sometimes there are teams of up to a dozen people who attack a meeting simultaneously.  They mute & unmute to move around on the screen.   They sometimes show deep fake videos of our members to persuade us to trust them. 

These distressing disruptions seem to happen most during school vacations, so I suppose the miscreants are students who get together to coordinate these attacks.  They must think it is funny.

It is not.  People come to 12 step programs because they are in the throes of life threatening addiction.  If you make the meetings unsafe for them, you may kill  them.  I would like to see Zoom bombers regarded as attempted murderers.  

Currently, we have Zoom hosts who remove and report these intruders, but they find ways to come back.  I doubt that anyone has actually experienced any real consequences other than perhaps having to create a new e-mail address. 

We have to keep access to our meetings fairly public, because we want to attract newcomers.  If the meetings are secret, it's hard to get anyone to come.

Perhaps if RFK Jr. is in a position of power, he can actually do something about this problem. 

#RFK #12Step #ZoomBombers 

Prayer

 Some questions I found myself asking God in prayer today

Why do you want evil to win?

Why do you want all these people spreading disinformation on the Internet?

Why do you want people polluting this beautiful planet to the point of uninhabitability?

Are you a loving God?

What is it that you love? and why?

Do you love?

Are you inanimate?

Are you random?

Do you play dice with the universe?

Do you prefer random disasters?

Are they exciting?

Do you feel?

Do you like excitement?

Do you get bored?

Are we entertainment?

Are we like a toy?

Why am I obsessed with the actor represented by Gemini Travesia?

Why does he seem to be not real?

Is it ok to engrave a rock during mfw?

Is it ok to get in a car and burn gas to go to an entertainment venue?

Is it ok to get in a car and burn gas to worship?

What should I be doing with my life?

#GeminiTravesia alternate reality?

 When I wrote my second novel, When Alice Met Her Favorite Movie Star in an Elevator, the real movie star who I was fantasizing about was in his late 30's.  The novel was, essentially, what we would now call "fan fiction;" but, at that time, I had never heard the term "fan fiction."

I was very worried about the fact that I did not have permission to use the real name of this movie star -- and that he might be upset if I used it -- or appeared to be writing about him.  I decided to change his name to Gemini Travesia and also some facts about his life.

In this way, I tried to divorce my fantasies about him from the real man.  The fantasies weren't really about him.  They were about me.

One thing I realized from my first two novels was that I believed that the only way I could win the love of someone important would be to rescue him from some emotional crisis.  I got this idea based on my dysfunctional relationship with my mother.  She suffered from mental illness all her life.  When I was small, she used me as a little psychiatrist -- something I have since learned to call "emotional incest."

This was my only experience of earning someone's love.  My father, from what my mom later told me, had never wanted children.  He was distant, harsh, hypercritical.  

In some sense, in my fantasies, the movie star represented him.  He was the star in my life.  In some subconscious way, I transferred my experiences with my mother onto my fantasies of the star who represented my father.  

When I saw this pattern in my first two novels, which was about the time when I first joined #OvereatersAnonymous and started inventorying myself, I was displeased.  I came to believe that I should feel lovable, without engaging in some dramatic rescue.  

One good thing about the first two novels was that they seemed to get the obsessive fantasies about certain celebrities out of my head.  

Now, tho, the fantasies about the real movie star -- on whom Gemini Travesia was based -- have returned. I am thinking I should write them down again.

Now, in reality, I have never met this movie star -- nor do I ever expect to.  He has never even seen me, much less fallen in love with me.  Therefore the relationship he had with Alice Martin -- who represented me -- in the book has never occurred.  Moreover, we're 20 years later.

Therefore, if I started writing again, it would have to be an alternate reality -- one where Gemini Travesia has not yet met Alice Martin, and he's now older, with more failed relationships under his belt.

One way I could write about this alternate reality might be to start X accounts based on the characters.  I've heard that writers sometimes do that.  There would have to be a choice of whether the characters would actually be reliving the plot of the book -- and therefore acting as publicity for the book -- or whether they would be living in a new reality.

I decided to go on Bing image creator and create some possible images of Gemini Travesia to use as an avi on X.  I liked this first one best -- most like the guy I was actually fantasizing about.  I particularly loved those gloves.  I had to go out and buy some a bit like that for myself. 

But then I thought I really needed someone older, because it's 20 years since I wrote the book.  

And maybe with a bit of a smirk -- as the real star has such a beautiful smile.

Now, the real actor I was fantasizing about was white, but somehow that last photo has the smile I was looking for -- a bit mischievous.  I suppose I could make the new Gemini Travesia black, tho that wasn't really what I had in mind.

Bing gave me more images

Do they all look a bit gay?  I often wonder whether the handsomest actors must be gay.  I feel like straight men all look a bit less angelic than the gay men, with more irregular features and more concavity in their cheeks.

Of course, in my mind, none of them quite cuts it, as none of them is the actual movie star that I'm fantasizing about.  

Anyway, I'm not quite ready to start another X account -- tho I may do it.

That second novel remains the one I've gotten the most positive feedback on.  When I wrote it, I was horribly embarrassed that I was spending so much energy fantasizing about celebrities.  Now I realize that a lot of people fantasize about celebrities -- that the whole entertainment industry is based on fantasy.

It's nice getting some pictures.  I never had pictures of Gemini Travesia before.  I should probably have hired an artist to create one -- but I was too cheap.