Is it necessary to visit friends in the hospital

This is a copy of an answer that I posted on Quora

First, find out if this person wishes to be visited. Many patients in hospitals are not feeling well enough to entertain visitors. They might not want you to come at all.

However, I certainly had a story in my past that made me feel that hospital visits can be very important.

There was a guy in my Quaker Meeting who caught AIDS, back in the early 1980’s. He was gay, single, overweight, ugly, in his 50’s and alone in the world: no immediate family, few friends.

The hospital decided that he was a good person to neglect, because no one would notice.

One of my fellow congregants went to visit him and discovered him lying in his own feces.

We all started visiting him — and his care improved dramatically. One of the members of the Quaker Meeting claimed to be his brother (of course he wasn’t a biological brother, just a spiritual brother, but he didn’t tell the hospital that — in a possible violation of our truth testimony) But once the hospital thought that the guy had a brother, that really helped as well, plus they had someone who could talk to them about care decisions, because the sick guy was too sick to talk much.

Anyway, so, yes, sometimes it *is* important to visit, but check out the situation first.


https://www.quora.com/Is-it-really-necessary-to-visit-someone-who-is-admitted-in-a-hospital/answer/Annalisse-Mayer?share=b5f85e96

How did you know your baby had autism?

This is a copy of an answer I posted on Quora

I didn't know, but looking back there were clear symptoms from birth

1. Arching away from me when he cried
2. Crying to be put down
3. Wanting to be carried facing outwards.
4. Being stiff and not being able to mold to my body until age seven

Later

1. When learning to talk, making up his own words and demanding that we learn them. He did later learn English, but when he got into therapy, the therapist pointed out that he was only asking questions, never making declarative statements. If you asked him a question, he would screech.

2. Not being able to understand the word " No."

3. Extreme oppositionality

4. Believing he was responsible for disciplining parents be refusing to comply if we got angry, which he thought was inappropriate.

5. Extreme pickyness with respect to rituals, like which plate to use or how to stick the knife into the margarine

6. Melt downs if furniture was rearranged

7. The first words he learned, before he decided to make up his own language, were for geometrical shapes "baw" and "' bots." (Ball and box) rather than mommy or daddy

8. Extreme sensitivity to sensory input, e.g. Sound (had to wear hearing protectors from the hardware store to go to the circus or to sit in a church where they played the organ) or texture (throwing up at the sight of wet or slimy foods)

9. Extreme, hostile reactions to life: as a toddler asking me to kill people; trying to trip someone in a restaurant; total, rageful refusal to consider toilet training, until I finally had to hold him screaming and struggling on the little potty at age 3 three (though once he got over his initial resistance, he was very enthusiastic about remaining dry, quite quickly, unlike our other child who had bed wetting); later violent threats in school about wanting to electrocute people, put them through a meat grinder, or blow them up. When he learned to crawl, I could no longer allow him in my bed, because he would try to wake me up, by crawling up to my head and bashing my teeth with his skull, which was painful.

10. starting before age two: obsessive interests. He could stand for hours staring at a construction site, because he loved earth moving equipment.

11. The thing that finally got us to a child psychiatrist was his being the only child to refuse to comply with the nursery school concert at age 4. He wasn't even looking at the teacher and he just seemed so miserable. After extensive therapy, at age 7, he could be in a concert, but couldn't sway back and forth with the other students

12 . What got him into special ed was physically attacking teachers. I personally was not in favor of inclusion. He was being bullied in regular school, and was *much* happier in a 12–1–1 program. Fortunately, our county had gifted special ed. It was the first time he actually enjoyed school.

I'm very happy to report that through extensive intervention, the threats of violence disappeared. He is now (at 28) a very moral person.

He's still paralyzed with anxiety and agoraphobia, tho. He can't drive, because of anxiety.

His extreme pickyness with respect to food is vanishing, though he still throws up easily from some foods.

He still has problems cuddling and prefers light hugs to bear hugs.

Some of his bizarre preferences with respect to clothing, especially preferring female colors and clothing, turned out to mean that he/she is trans.

He does have a genius level IQ and got a bachelors in engineering from a prominent engineering school. Getting a job has been much harder, because of his extreme anxiety and pickyness about job requirements.

 #autism #autistic #baby #babycare #symptoms #psychiatry #infant #infantcare #childdevelopment

Why self-diagnose with autism -- answer from Quora

This was a question addressed to me on Quora

Why do people self-diagnose themselves with autism? I’m autistic, and my entire life has revolved around hiding it. People do treat me differently based on whether they know. Whether or not you have it: why would you want to draw attention to it?

This was the answer given on April 2

I self-diagnosed, then went to a psychiatrist to confirm.

If you have it, you may think you can hide it, but that’s actually not true.

Neurotypical people immediately notice that something is wrong. However, they may simply think that you’re insensitive or narcissistic or have some other undesirable personality trait, when really you have a disability. If they understand the disability, they can accommodate it. If they don’t understand it, they can’t.

This is particularly important in the workplace in the USA, where employers over a certain size are legally required to make reasonable accommodations for people with disabilities. They are only required to do this if they are notified of the disability and requested accommodation. Generally, they would need a doctor’s note, if the disability is invisible.

I attended a seminar at my local community college about people with disabilities transitioning from high school to college. A salient point of that seminar was that people with disabilities are most likely to succeed in college if they are good at self-advocacy — particularly explaining what accommodations they need and why they need them. Again, if your disability is invisible, and if you try to keep it “secret” you can’t self-advocate (tho I assure you that neurotypicals around you have definitely noticed something atypical about you — and have probably drawn negative conclusions about it) .

This business about people drawing negative conclusions when they notice something different about you has been studied in the psychological research — and is a particular factor in the development of racism. The antidote is to discuss differences, rather than hiding them and pretending that they don’t exist.

#autism #psychiatry #autistic 

Meme about racism from FB

This is from a Republican. George W. Bush’s chief speechwriter Michael Gerson, regarding people who support President Trump.

"I had fully intended to ignore President Trump’s latest round of racially charged taunts against an African American elected official, and an African American activist, and an African American journalist and a whole city with a lot of African Americans in it. I had every intention of walking past Trump’s latest outrages and writing about the self-destructive squabbling of the Democratic presidential field, which has chosen to shame former vice president Joe Biden for the sin of being an electable, moderate liberal.

But I made the mistake of pulling James Cone’s 'The Cross and the Lynching Tree' off my shelf — a book designed to shatter convenient complacency.

Cone recounts the case of a white mob in Valdosta, Ga., in 1918 that lynched an innocent man named Haynes Turner. Turner’s enraged wife, Mary, promised justice for the killers. The sheriff responded by arresting her and then turning her over to the mob, which included women and children. According to one source, Mary was 'stripped, hung upside down by the ankles, soaked with gasoline, and roasted to death. In the midst of this torment, a white man opened her swollen belly with a hunting knife and her infant fell to the ground and was stomped to death.'

God help us.

It is hard to write the words.

This evil — the evil of white supremacy, resulting in dehumanization, inhumanity and murder — is the worst stain, the greatest crime, of U.S. history. It is the thing that nearly broke the nation. It is the thing that proved generations of Christians to be vicious hypocrites. It is the thing that turned normal people into moral monsters, capable of burning a grieving widow to death and killing her child.

When the president of the United States plays with that fire or takes that beast out for a walk, it is not just another political event, not just a normal day in campaign 2020. It is a cause for shame. It is the violation of martyrs’ graves. It is obscene graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial. It is, in the eyes of history, the betrayal — the re-betrayal — of Haynes and Mary Turner and their child. And all of this is being done by an ignorant and arrogant narcissist reviving racist tropes for political gain, indifferent to the wreckage he is leaving, the wounds he is ripping open.

Like, I suspect, many others, I am finding it hard to look at resurgent racism as just one in a series of presidential offenses or another in a series of Republican errors. Racism is not just another wrong. The Antietam battlefield is not just another plot of ground. The Edmund Pettus Bridge is not just another bridge. The balcony outside Room 306 at the Lorraine Motel is not just another balcony. As U.S. history hallows some causes, it magnifies some crimes.

What does all this mean politically? It means that Trump’s divisiveness is getting worse, not better. He makes racist comments, appeals to racist sentiments and inflames racist passions. The rationalization that he is not, deep down in his heart, really a racist is meaningless. Trump’s continued offenses mean that a large portion of his political base is energized by racist tropes and the language of white grievance. And it means — whatever their intent — that those who play down, or excuse, or try to walk past these offenses are enablers.

Some political choices are not just stupid or crude.

They represent the return of our country’s cruelest, most dangerous passion. Such racism indicts Trump. Treating racism as a typical or minor matter indicts us." — Michael Gerson

Please cut & paste!

Traits of autism

On Quora, I keep getting asked about traits of autism. I want to start accumulating answers here, so I don't have to keep answering the same question  over and over

• Poor prosody is usually the thing I notice first. This is the melody of speech. The person speaks in a monotone, often nasal, sometimes too high (Of course, this is for those who have speech.  Many autistic people do not)
• Speaking at great length, so that you can't get a word in edgewise, typically in an extremely boring topic, is another clue — obsession with obscure trivia. A good conversation is like a volleyball game. The ball goes back and forth. Alternatively, the person may never speak at all
• Avoiding eye contact is another. The person may not appreciate that it's rude to be looking at the computer or cell phone during a conversation.
• Hyper or hypo sensitivities to sensory stimuli will be frequent, especially sensitivity to loud noises or certain food tastes. Many will be touch adverse and not like physical affection — or alternatively will be overly huggy and not notice that the person isn't enjoying being crushed.
• Rigidity in the face of changes in routine or plans is another typical symptom.
• The person will typically be mystified as to why no one likes them
• repetitive movements, or extreme attachment to ritual.  
• extreme anxiety in the face of transitions or new situations.

****

My experiences of autism

I am told that neurotypicals are constantly engaging in subliminal interchange of small movements of the muscles around the eyes. When they are with others, exchanging these movements, it’s a kind of telepathy. They know what others are feeling all the time. They feel part of the group.

People with Aspergers are missing that. We can’t do it. That’s a big part of our disability.

Even when I’m with others, I feel alone. I don’t feel connected. I want to feel connected the way neurotypicals do. I can’t.

Also, I have auditory sensitivities and other sensory integration problems. I can’t be in a crowded, noisy bar. I can’t be surrounded by large screen TVs with sports images. I can’t go in there. I have to leave. I miss out on social groups.

In group conversations, I cannot participate. I don’t know when it’s my turn. It’s like when I was a child and kids would jump rope “double Dutch,” in other words there were two ropes at once. I just didn’t feel like I could even attempt that.

Even in a one-on-one conversation, often the speaker changes subjects faster than I can respond to a single topic. Listening to such a speaker just feels like being electrocuted. I sit there, paralyzed, and can’t say anything.

I also often don’t know my feelings until several days later. I can’t explain in a timely fashion what is going on with me.

I’m not sure if this is Asperger’s or not, but I find that a lot of people start issuing me instructions. I say something and they give me instructions about how to do it. I just want them to listen and be my friend. I don’t want a bunch of random people issuing me instructions. I’m already busy enough without being sent hither and yon with new missions. This might be a problem for neurotypicals as well.

I want to have friends. I want to have emotional intimacy. It doesn’t work.

See Also

https://qr.ae/TWrhu5


Plus 
http://annalisse-mayer.blogspot.com/2019/02/features-of-autism.html

*****

Very early signs of autism

My elder son definitely showed signs of autism from birth, but I failed to appreciate their significance. These were the signs that I see in retrospect

• arched away from us when crying (neurotypicals will cuddle up)
• punched and kicked us when lying in bed next to us, rather than cuddling up
• crying to be put down (neurotypicals will cry to be picked up)
• by six weeks preferring to be carried facing outwards
• later, when learning to speak, invented his own language and expected us to learn it
• again, later, hysteria over changes of routine, including guests in the house

see https://www.quora.com/What-age-do-signs-of-autism-begin-to-show/answer/Annalisse-Mayer

Meme about private border detention facilities

This is a meme

I've seen this posted by several friends (presumably "friends of friends of friends" of the OP.)  Long, but worth a read.

NOTE - Some people have had trouble sharing this post, so if you want to do that, you may need to copy/paste rather than ‘share’.

"So a friend decided to do a little research into the $750/day figure he’d heard a private company was charging the US government per each detained migrant child. He wanted to, with his own eyes and brain, 1. verify this figure was accurate; 2. verify it was indeed a private company instead of a non-profit charging this, if true, as both have managed these detention centers (not that it really matters, ultimately, but stay with me); 3. try to figure out where this per diem sum — more than my monthly mortgage — was going, if not to even buy these tortured children toothbrushes and soap, which are about the cheapest basic necessities on the market, and which no individual has to replace every day.

$750/person A DAY should cover a lot of necessities, right? Right. So where the hell is all this money going? This can’t be true...

Well here’s what I found:

1. Yes, it’s a private company called Comprehensive Health Services (a subsidiary of Caliburn International). CHS operates the largest child migrant detention center, which is in FL and was already getting horrible press — especially from local FL papers — last year. But that didn’t matter, because CHS recently opened up a few more child prisons in TX, as it snagged a new government contract, despite many documented concerns about conditions there.

2. $750/day per child is an accurate sum of CHS’s CLAIMED operating costs, and what our federal tax dollars are paying for. A sum that was agreed to upon award of the contract. In fact, it was actually on the record as $775 last summer.

3. So where is this money going, you wonder, if not to soap and toothbrushes? Yeah, I did too, and it was quite easy to dig up. CHS, via Caliburn, is controlled by the private equity firm DC Capital Partners. For those of you who don’t know how private equity firms work, look it up, or ask me in the comments.

4. While I would not be able to find out vested shareholders in the DCCP portfolio, we do not have to assume they’re making some nice returns on these CHS operations and government contracts that line their pockets instead of covering even basic human needs for children. That’s clear, because why would a private company keep their costs down so low that they completely disregard humanity, even though they say they’re experts in “healthcare?”

PROFIT. FOR THEIR PRIVATE INVESTORS.

5. While I can’t name for you the private investors getting rich off of this humanitarian crisis, I can name for you members of the advisory board of DCCP, which approves everything in the portfolio.

First up: Trump’s former Chief of Staff, John Kelly, who was named to the board LAST MONTH, and photographed riding a golf cart into a CHS child prison. So with his own eyes, he saw the conditions there. And he was cool with it all, because hey, there’s money to be made for his rich investor friends, and maybe even himself! Who knows! Can’t say for sure, so feel free to reasonably assume what you wish. I’m just stating facts here.

Coincidentally, prior to joining Trump in the WH, he was also a paid lobbyist for DCCP. Hmmmm...

6. So next up on the DCCP board: Richard L. Armitage, former U.S. deputy secretary of state; Michael Corbin; former ambassador to the United Arab Emirates; Michael V. Hayden, former director of the Central Intelligence Agency and of the National Security Agency; Donald M. Kerr Jr., former deputy director of science and technology at the CIA; Anthony C. Zinni, former commander-in-chief of the U.S. Central Command and former U.S. Envoy to the Middle East; and Stephen F. Loftus, former director of the Office of the Budget for the United States Navy.

Are y’all seeing any patterns here?

7. Michael Hayden, last June, said on the record he sees “commonality” between Nazi Germany’s separation of children at concentration camps and the Trump administration policy that is forcing children to be separated from their parents at the U.S.-Mexico border.

"I know we’re not Nazi Germany, alright. But there is a commonality there, and a fear on my part ... We have standards we have to live up to,” Hayden told CNN’s “New Day.”

It appears he left those standards at the boardroom door, along with many other individuals that dance with greed and corruption on the line of the private and public sectors COMPLETELY UNCHECKED.

8. Last month, the same month Kelly got his new gig, the government awarded CHS a brand new, hush-hush contract worth $341 million, even though there had been tons of pressure to close it due to its conditions.

THERE WAS NO COMPETITIVE BIDDING FOR THE CONTRACT, and it happened under the radar.

9. Just two months before this, in March, CHS/Caliburn cancelled its IPO after registering with the SEC to sell $100m public shares. The CEO cited “market forces,” yet made it clear the company was thriving and growing.

——————

I’ll leave you to come to your own conclusions about all of this, or do more research. And I’ll post a ton of sources in the comments for those who actually think this administration is “draining the swamp,” or who want to debate the semantics of whether these ”centers” can reasonably be called child concentration camps or not without offending some non-brown people.

And for those of you who think children don’t deserve the most basic human rights because they’re not American: There’s a special place in hell for you, and I imagine hell to be a whole lot like this situation.

For those of you who are cool lining the pockets of private citizens in DC with YOUR tax dollars while dirty, hungry, sick children live imprisoned and stacked in cages without even a dime of your money going to pay for soap and toothbrushes for these kids like it was supposed to: I’m ashamed to share this country with you as legal citizens, and I think you’re disgustingly dumb. We failed you, too, but at least you got to go to school when you were a kid, and didn’t spend childhood dying in a cage.

America, NONE OF THIS IS OK. WAKE UP.

——————

FRIDAY NIGHT UPDATE (!!)

1. As mentioned upon writing this, I originally posted my sources at the beginning of the comments thread at time of publishing -- before it became a large discussion. For your convenience and further reading, I am now moving my sources here + some extra homework for everyone to do (no particular order):

https://www.bloomberg.com/profile/company/CLBR:US

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/immigration/article229744049.html

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/john-kelly-joins-board-of-caliburn-international-company-operating-largest-unaccompanied-migrant-children-shelter/

https://news.littlesis.org/2019/02/13/wall-street-banks-former-defense-officials-looking-to-cash-in-on-child-detentions/

https://thehill.com/latino/392727-hayden-sees-commonality-between-zero-tolerance-border-policy-and-nazi-germany

https://www.npr.org/2019/02/13/694175061/florida-shelter-is-scrutinized-for-the-way-it-handles-migrant-children

https://www.nytimes.com/…/migrant-shelters-border-crossing.…

https://heavy.com/news/2019/05/caliburn-international/

https://www.thedailybeast.com/doj-is-investigating-whether-…

https://thebaffler.com/latest/retirement-brought-to-you-by-prisons-inc

https://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/2018/07/06/protest-comprehensive-health-services-cape-canaveral/752465002/

https://www.chsmedical.com/compliance

The people have spoken, so hope that helps you all wrap your minds around this in a more complete and credible way. Thank you to all who have participated in civil dialogue and shared this post. Let's keep it constructive, as we do not need to be even more destructive than the current situation.

2. THE POST IS ALREADY PUBLIC + SHAREABLE. Please do not ask me if you can share it -- I made it public, which is why you can see it. You should be able to share the original version. If you can't, refresh your app, run your updates or make sure you aren't still viewing a friend's protected share of the original itself. There is no possible way I can instruct all individuals on how to share it -- but I appreciate all of you who are moved by these words, and want to raise awareness about this distressing situation.

3. Your concern has given me hope. Do your homework. Look into your group investment portfolios, pensions, etc. Know where your money is invested. Call your legislators. Do anything but freak out to the point of being unproductive and histrionic. DO ANYTHING BUT BE AWFUL TO EACH OTHER.

Thank you. We are in this together.

Ken Wojtak Sr."

ETA from Sally:  I have fixed most of the broken links above.  For those I was unable to locate (as well as for some that I did), if you go the home pages of the websites that you CAN see (before the "...") and use the search facilities on those sites with either keywords you see in the partial links or just words like "migrants" you will find additional relevant articles.

blurbs #dvpit #ya #f #own -- see blog 4 blurbs

I noticed a bunch of novel blurbs on my timeline recently.  I guess I got them because I followed a whole bunch of literary agents.  I was moved to write some blurbs for my "Elves in Detroit" novel.

I realize I should have done this long ago. 

Elves in Detroit Book One

Laurielle Fleetfoot, a mildly autistic white elf, feels uncomfortable with her own people. She settles in Detroit, where she hopes to help homeless, black children.  Will her attempted generosity help the struggling city? Or destroy it?


Elves in Detroit Book Two

Billy Cartwright has been cast out of fairyland, because of his psychopathic behavior -- and turned back into a mortal boy.  Will he languish as a maladjusted human, or will he manage to change back into an elf before he reaches puberty -- when it would be too late? And if he gets back, will he kill everyone he knows?


Elves in Detroit Book Three

Mousky, a long slumbering goddess, awakens to find horrifying environmental damage.  Her violent response quickly draws her into battle with the US military.  Will she wipe out the USA or will the Detroit police and their local elf friends find a solution?

Elves in Detroit Book Four (draft)

Newly freed from her fatal, magical attraction to Officer Tom Flanagan, Laurielle Fleetfoot needs to get married before she becomes inappropriately bonded again.  Will she marry the dangerous pixie/ogre Smack who wants her? Will he succeed in decimating the great library of Illinor, which she loves and he hates? 

The goddess Mousky inadvertently frees the long buried mass murderer, Abysnow, who is eager to get revenge.  Will Laurielle, Billy, Lucy, Tom, Tanisha, Smack and the Detroit police succeed in defeating him?

The goblin, Biter, curiously befriended by the elf, Laurielle Fleetfoot, and installed in the sewers in Detroit, is finding his way into a successful business amongst humans, when the demon Marautnam seeks to enslave him.  Will he remain free? Will he succeed in his ambition to found his own hoard -- with his wife Smiter -- and become a celebrity musician?

Changeling, Lucy Cartwright, has acquired incredible god-like powers. Will her strange powers help those she loves -- or break the mulitverse to bits?

Changeling, Billy Cartwright, has fallen desperately in love with the goddess, Mousky, and she seems to feel the same way about him -- but he's afraid of her, and his history makes him fear love. Is it safe to be in love with a goddess who is carelessly deadly?  Can he reconcile his new nature as a loving adult with his longstanding friendships with a host of humanoid devouring monsters?

[Yeah, ok. This draft book has more than one story line]